


A Completely Valid Use of Artistic License

by equivocalEternity



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Meteorstuck, Panquadromantic Karkat, Retcon Timeline, listen it's subtle but it's there, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 14:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11083488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/equivocalEternity/pseuds/equivocalEternity
Summary: "Dude, we are getting so off topic, I'm not sure we're even on the meteor anymore. We'll have to tell the others, be like, sorry, guys, it's been great, but here's our stop, we'll write if we find work. Good luck with the whole 'defeating Lord English' thing, but we've got more important things to do, like going on tangents for the rest of our lives."





	A Completely Valid Use of Artistic License

"...And as she turned to look at him, she knew in her pump biscuit that there would never be anyone as-" Karkat stopped reading. He glared down at Dave. "What the fuck are you snickering about?"

"I'm not snickering," Dave said, as he continued to snicker.

Karkat's glare intensified. "You are, don't even try to deny it."

"Nah, bro, you got the wrong guy." Dave grinned, and clasped his hands. "I'm innocent, I swear it wasn't me. I was framed, please, officer, you have to believe me!"

Karkat looked at Dave. Dave was currently sprawled across Karkat's lap, with his head on one arm of the communal room couch, and his feet on the other. Until then, Karkat had been reading aloud one of his all-time favorite novels, a thrilling tale of swashbuckling and intrigue (as well as a fascinating kismesissitude, which was the only reason he read it at all, since the plot fucking sucked).  
In a rare show of something that could actually conceivably be related to being considerate, or, at the very least, not being entirely a douchebag, Dave had kept any unwanted and totally inaccurate commentary to himself. Except apparently, something about the stunningly beautiful climax of the book (where the main character _finally_ gets her head out of her nook and realizes the spades relationship of a lifetime has been right in front of her the whole goddamn time), was so incredibly amusing to Dave he couldn't keep his ignorance tunnel shut any longer, as evidenced by the noises he was emitting, which, despite the fact that it was very clearly snickering, was apparently not, in fact, snickering.

____

Karkat sighed, rolling his glance nuggets. 

__

"Alright, fine. What are you _chuckling _about?"__

_____ _

Dave's grin widened, and he sat up, pushing himself off of Karkat's lap. He said, with an air of overwhelming smugness,

_____ _

"Heart."

_____ _

Karkat stared at Dave, in the utmost of bafflement. He blinked a few times, opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again.

_____ _

"…what?"

_____ _

Dave pointed, with a flourish, to the passage Karkat had been reading.

_____ _

"Heart," he repeated. "The line says, 'she knew in her heart that there would never be anyone as incredibly, despicably, devastatingly handsome as he was', which, holy shit, this sucks, why are we even reading this, but more importantly, it says heart."

_____ _

Karkat looked at where Dave was pointing. It did, in fact, say heart. 

_____ _

"Okay, and...? Please explain to me what the fuck makes that funny, because I don't see how it could possibly be so blisteringly hilarious as to force you to unleash the hideous sound you call a laugh, except oh wait, it wasn't a laugh, how could I forget." He solemnly patted Dave’s shoulder. 

_____ _

Dave looked at the prong resting on his shoulder in confusion.

_____ _

"Whoa, you papping me? we doing this right now? Shit, we're totally doing it, makin' it happen, get pappin', shit's pale unless we screw with it-"

_____ _

"No." Karkat put his other prong over Dave's talk blaster. "No rapping. Absolutely not. We're not doing it, and we're most definitely not making it happen." He grimaced when Dave licked his palm, but remained firm. No amount of saliva could deter him from his goal. Really, stopping Dave from unleashing a veritable wave of shit under the disguise of 'art' was the most noble of deeds. He deserved a medal, honestly, for his sacrifice; risking life and limb for the cause, letting himself get contaminated by vile human germs for the greater good, saving the ears and minds of everyone in the area- which, since he and Dave were alone, happened to only be Karkat, but that was irrelevant.

_____ _

"Anyway, I wasn't papping you, fuckmuncher. Whatever illness you have that makes you unleash sound like a dying braybeast when you find something humorous is most likely fatal, and I was letting you know I would stand by you in your final hours," Karkat said. He shook his head, scoffing in disdain. "I thought you would get it, since that's what a _bro_ would do, but I guess I underestimated you."

_______ _ _ _

He paused.

_______ _ _ _

"Wait. No. Shit, no, I meant overestimated, fuck. Don't laugh at me, goddammit."

_______ _ _ _

Laughing, Dave flopped back down into Karkat's lap. "Dude, we are getting so off topic, I'm not sure we're even on the meteor anymore. We'll have to tell the others, be like, sorry, guys, it's been great, but here's our stop, we'll write if we find work. Good luck with the whole 'defeating Lord English' thing, but we've got more important things to do, like going on tangents for the rest of our lives. God, what was I even saying? Seriously, help me out here, I don't remember."

_______ _ _ _

"Nope. If you don't remember what got this whole thing started, then I can get back to reading this literary masterpiece. There was an incredibly romantic scene playing out, not that you'd know anything about romance," Karkat said.

_______ _ _ _

"But, dude, it was like, the funniest shit. C'mon, man-"

_______ _ _ _

"Nope, sorry, can't hear you, too busy reading. Fuck, where even was I? Oh, right. And as she turned to look at him, she knew in her-"

_______ _ _ _

"Heart!" Dave looked unbearably pleased with himself. "That's what it was."

_______ _ _ _

Karkat sighed, and put the book down again. "Fine. You want to blabber on like a spleenfowl, then by all means, be my guest. What's funny about 'heart', because I definitely care, oh so much."

_______ _ _ _

Dave smiled wider than Vriska on a 'No8ody is as amazing as Vriska 8ut especially not you wimps' rant. "You said pump biscuit."

_______ _ _ _

Karkat flung his hands up in the air. "So? I say that all the time!"

_______ _ _ _

Dave picked up the book and practically shoved it in Karkat's face. "Yeah, but the line is 'in her heart'. You said pump biscuit." 

_______ _ _ _

“W—What? No, I—Listen," Karkat sputtered. "It's—I'm just-"

_______ _ _ _

"You're just _editing the book while you read, _holy shit, I can't believe you. You're such a goober," Dave said, poking Karkat in the side.__

_________ _ _ _ _ _

"Hey!" Karkat yelled, and batted Dave's hand away. "Shut up, you don't know anything. I'm just trying to improve the writing." He glared at Dave, and then at the book. "Everyone knows Indigobloods can't write for shit. It sounds better without all the fucking slang, alright? It’s—it's a completely valid use of artistic license."  
Dave hooked his arms around Karkat's neck, pulling himself up to Karkat's ear.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

_"Goober," _he whispered.__

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Karkat snorted. "Shut up," he said, again, though the effect was dampened by the fact that he was desperately trying to hold back giggles. 

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Dave had no such qualms, and was laughing unrepentantly, burying his face in Karkat’s shoulder. Karkat gave in, and started laughing too, tossing the book aside and hugging Dave back, squeezing as hard as he could. Dave huffed a surprised breath, and unhooked his arms from Karkat's neck, pushing on his chest. 

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Karkat leaned back. "What?" He asked, somewhat concerned.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Hold still," Dave said. "Think there's something on your shirt."

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Karkat looked down. "What? Where, I don't see any-" He cut off with a yelp as fingers dug into his side.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Right there," Dave said, grinning maliciously.

Karkat wriggled and squirmed, trying to free himself from underneath Dave, but to no avail. He squeaked as Dave hit a particularly ticklish spot.

Dave," Karkat said breathlessly, in between giggles, "Dave, Knock it, shit, knock it off, you asshole!"

"Nope," Dave said, and threw all his weight to the side, until they were both lying down, then continued to tickle Karkat relentlessly. "Sorry, Karkat, but you were too dorky, and this is your punishment. It's the law, nothing I can do about it."

Karkat growled. "Ok, you maggot infested wastechute, have it your way. Prepare to get schoolfed." He flailed until he got ahold of Dave's arms, then maneuvered himself until he was pinning Dave down, arms at either side of his head.

Dave struggled, but Karkat's grip was too strong. Karkat smirked.

"What's the matter, Dave? Don't like the bitter, bitter taste of defeat? Well too bad, because that's what's on the menu from now on." He leaned down. "Every single meal you eat will taste like defeat. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every bite will remind you of how utterly I owned you. You'll sit at the table, anguish drops running down your face, staring at your nutrition plateau, longing for the days when you knew peace. But that peace will never find you again, and you'll be left chewing ash and despair for the rest of your miserable, cape-wearing days."

Dave kissed him on the nose.

Karkat turned red and toppled off the couch. Dave, just as red, sat up and got the book from where it had been laying. He offered it to Karkat, who stood up, took the book, sat down beside him, and, with a small smile stuck on his face, started reading again. Dave put his head on Karkat's shoulder, closed his eyes, and listened as Karkat read. Right as Dave was drifting off, Karkat paused.

Dave opened his eyes blearily. "Mmm," he said. "Everything okay?"

Karkat kissed his cheek. "Now we're even, dickfart," he said, and went back to reading.


End file.
